


Anchors & Sails

by Yamnus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, OT12 Era, one-sided, semi-canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 09:18:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7096453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamnus/pseuds/Yamnus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh Sehun, the world's flower boy, belongs to the spotlight, not himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anchors & Sails

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ.  
> Edited and revised.

It’s bright.

White and sparkling, the boat sits on the shore.

Sehun steps forward, warm sand beneath his feet washed away by the ocean. He lifts a hand up to block the light, squinting all the while. The water on the horizon glitters.

 

**(Singing is a profession.)**

 

Sehun stands, awkwardly stiff in a room far too small for his liking, especially with eleven other boys. It’s a flood of tall, obscenely skinny figures with beautiful features, brimming with talent. Whispers alternate between Mandarin and Korean. A claustrophobic itch claws at the tips of his fingers as he drowns in the murmurs, overwhelmed and overly young.

He is just that – young. He has his youth, his face, and his height. Perhaps that itself is enough to warrant his presence in this very room. [But they are not that much older.] And perhaps it’s not enough to keep his knees from trembling. The air is buzzing with excitement and sheer relief. Sehun wonders if the spotlight blinds as much as the horizon does – the future looks bright.

A boy sits in the corner, lips turned up in a small smile. Sehun is blinded.

 

**(What do singers do?)**

 

His clothes stick to his skin, wet like the bangs that cling to his forehead. Thinner than ever, his arms support his figure as he rests upon the floor. Sehun observes as the other boy slouches, exuding grace down to his fingers.

Kai is perfection. Even the way he sheds his skin into Jongin is like an art form.

As a child he ran away from this light, whereas Jongin ran towards it. Sehun glances up at his reflection, tired and battered. He wants to throw up.

“You’re perfect,” Sehun whispers half-angrily, clumsily pushing himself up.

Jongin stares back at him through the mirror, watching as Sehun stands. “Kai is.” He struggles to his feet, tired limbs trembling, shaking as he slowly rises.

“You’re lucky” Kai whispers, brushing off Jongin’s fatigue, “You look in the mirror and see yourself.”

 

**(The correct answer: sell.)**

 

Strategy is what they call it.

 

“Luhan-hyung,” Sehun calls.

A caramel haired, doe eyed doll stares back at him, smiling. Hands grab his and a light voice rings.

And for a moment, the emotions are tangible.

Sehun basks in the warmth.

The cameras flash around him.

Sehun is bathed in light.

 

He supposes it is rather effective in stirring the hearts of a potential fan base.

 

**(What do they sell?)**

 

Jongin’s head falls against the window of the van and he stirs again. Groggily, his eyes open and his hands rub the bump. “Just sleep on my shoulder,” Sehun grumbles. Jongin blinks and lazily stretches.

“Your shoulder is too sharp,” comes the drawled reply. Almost instantly, the boy falls asleep against the window again, breath slowly fogging up the glass. Sehun rolls his eyes and pulls the boy’s head to his shoulder, cushioning Jongin’s head with a small pillow.

Sehun looks downward at the dark circles below Jongin’s eyes. Jongin is sleepy. Jongin is sleeping. There is no Kai right now. “Sehun-ah, you’re breathing on me,” Jongin mutters. Sehun immediately turns his head. “I must be really handsome.” Sehun, being the brat he is, concedes – only a little bit.

 

**(Themselves.)**

 

“I’m glad it was Luhan.”

Sehun stops in the middle of brushing his teeth.

“The company made a good choice,” Jongin states, towel drying his wet hair, “Don’t you think?”

Sehun spits out the toothpaste and rinses his mouth angrily. He can’t talk with all this foam in his mouth. “Of course,” Sehun snaps, “You look good with Kyungsoo-hyung too.”

Jongin laughs, wiping the corner of Sehun’s mouth with the edge of his towel. “Kai looks good with D.O.,” he corrects, amused smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Sehun’s shocked body tumbles forward as Jongin pulls him in, “I’m glad. We can still be us.”

Sehun flushes, furiously pushing away, rushing to his room, heart pounding in his chest.

 

**(The reason is simple.)**

 

Sehun shifts closer, awkwardly stiff in a van too small for six boys and their staff, unsure of where to lean. A flood of doubts and insecurities, scream as they tumble to the frontline of his thoughts to rest on his lips. He tries to rationalize everything, staring at Jongin’s face. Sehun's frown softens - Jongin looks so peaceful. He pushes the thoughts away as the feelings overflow. Sehun is completely overwhelmed and still painfully young. 

He is just that, young. He has his youth, his dreams, and his heart. Perhaps that itself is enough to warrant his very feelings. [But he just can’t do that to Jongin.] And perhaps it’s not enough to keep his lips from trembling. The air is heavy. Sehun knows that Jongin can't feel the way he does.

Jongin’s shifts in his sleep, pulling closer. He is dull and broken. Perfection in the spotlight is mortal in the night. Jongin whimpers in pain and half-awakens when his waist is uncomfortably shifted as the car turns. Sehun decides it’s better to have your heart broken than to be broken by your dreams. Sehun moves to lean on the window, pulling Jongin to rest upon him as if he could fix Jongin if he broke in his place.  
  
Sehun shuts his eyes and bites his lips when Jongin’s face begins to blur.

 

**(Dreams come with price tags.)**

 

He’s tired.

Miles and miles of blue stretch for as far as he can see.

Sehun looks into the water, threatening to throw up over the side of the boat, his reflection is blurred. It’s sparkling under the sunlight. It’s nauseating.

**Author's Note:**

> http://yamnus-writes.tumblr.com/


End file.
